Wednesday April 27th will be forever ingrained in my mind not as the day after my wedding anniversary to what I believe to be the best man in the world but as the day that I survived an EF 4 tornado that came ripping through my neighborhood. What we later found was that the center of the tornado came no more than 100 yard from the house and if it had not been for the trees that fell first the house would have been taken away like so many more on our street. What saved us were those stupid pine trees that we had been complaining about all these years. We were not prepared, there was no mattress over our heads, no weather radio on. We like many others were almost in a state of denial that this was a real serious situation that warranted our need to seek shelter. However the 5 most horrifying minutes of my life happened and one fatal moment our lives have been forever changed and our character as human beings has been tested. We survived the storm to find the house in shambles around us. We thought we were lucky still being able to count the 4 hall walls around us but little did we know what lay beyond those walls. The house had been moved off its foundations and outside walls were crumbling including the garage which held our cars captive. Outside the smell of gas and sewage became overwhelming as we scrambled around trying to help our neighbors account for everyone in the neighborhood. It was terrifying, it was a nightmare. What I can now say, it was as if my one little neighborhood in Tuscaloosa AL had witnessed a bomb and we were now all refugees trying to survive. We didn’t know where to go or what to do, communication was limited to the outside world. Finally we heard familiar voices outside after huddling inside the hall again fearing more storms were approaching. Our friends had found us! They came running into the house hoping to find us unharmed and safe. We quickly said hello for we needed to leave the house soon, night was falling and it was not safe. We ran through the rooms with glass nicking our feet as we went trying to throw together a bag with what personal items remained so we could start the long trek to an usable vehicle about a mile away. As we left the house, animals on leashes, flashlights in hand, and bags thrown over our shoulders we became confused and disoriented for the landmarks were gone and we could not tell which direction we were suppose to head in. After several minutes of walking in the dark with so many others just like us by our side the neighborhood began to redefine and familiar outlines started to emerge. As devastating as it was to walk through the disaster area I have to say that it was just as overwhelming to come across the section of town untouched as if nothing had happened only a few hours before.
What happened in the days that followed can only be described as grief mixed with a disorganized chaos. We had nowhere to live, we had no way of getting the stuff that survived out of the ruble, we had no way of comprehending what to do next. As we tried to wrap our heads around the gravity of the situation we were fighting with our instincts to continue our normal routine by working or paying bills etc. This fight with reality and what seemed to be disillusion continued for days before family finally took over and started telling us what we needed to do and how to do it. Our basic decision making skills were gone.
I am not looking for handouts nor am I looking for sympathy when writing all this down. I need to write it down before I forget it. To understand what I went through and how I handled it. My emotions are flowing through me so forcefully that if I don’t get this out I might cause more harm than good.
Emotions of guilt, sorrow, sadness, and even anger are emerging on a day to day bases even after 1 month has passed. I work because it is a familiar normality that I have the luxury of having unlike so many others still in a state of chaos. My husband and I are forced to go back to the home that is no longer ours each week because of FEMA, insurance, etc causing a surge of emotions to come flowing out. We have been met with so many different reactions from people in our lives that I have become numb and no longer surprised with others reactions.
To those that continue to tell me it could have been worse: Yes, you are absolutely right and my husband and I tell each other that every day but for us for the reality of it all, things are about as worse as we can handle and I speak for all of us survivors when I say that statement is not helping one bit.
To those that dismiss us because we are renters: Yes, you are right we can pick up and move on, just like the countless homeowners that are doing so right now as I am informed by my reality agent. Yes we rented we lived in that house 5 years. We celebrated our marriage, 2 graduations, birthdays, new hires, promotions, and holidays. We coped with funerals, lost love ones, and life’s unfortunate turns. Five years we did this, we hung pictures, painted walls, landscaped, changed fixtures, and created a space that was ours. That house was our home and we lost it whether we rented or not we have suffered a lose.
To those that have been busy and do not understand what has happened here: It’s ok, we understand, life happens and sometimes we don’t have the time or ability to understand what is happening in front of us let alone in someone else’s backyard. I only have this to stay, be patient with us we are suffering and we are going to need a lot of time to recover.
To those that expect me to be 100% by now: Believe me I want to be but I can’t. Some days are better than others, some days are horrible. I am dealing with it, for the most part privately because that is who I am but don’t forget. This happened!
As for now my husband and I are making the best decisions we can for what is best for our family. Believe me we have been offered tons of advice, opinions, and options which all in all is better then having none of those things. We working through all of them. We are safe, well feed, and have a roof over our heads.
